So this post is inspired by a great post on my friend Kathryn’s blog, . She’s an amazing writer and decided to add to what she already is saying in the form of commentary in hopes of furthering the conversation. A lot of what she talks about is what I talk about so instead of reinventing the wheel I decided that everything already there was great and wanted to add to what already is. By all means what I’m adding below is from my experience and what works for me. In no way shape or form is it the truth or the right way of seeing things. It’s just one viewpoint that has worked for me in my life.
I will quote the principles she lays out and my commentary will be below it:
“Being different is a good thing, never be afraid of that…even if it makes you stick out and even sometimes feel ashamed or embarrassed. Embrace that part of you!!! It is uniqueness and nothing beats it.”
Being different is an issue only if you make it so. There are some things we have no control over such as who are parents are, what we look like, and whether someone likes you or not. Then there are our interests, our passions, and what drives us to wake up in the morning. There will always be people who get cynical at your passion and people who want to bring you up. You can’t change this fact nor is there anything wrong with any of it. There’s nothing to fix or change just what is. So first consciously choose ALL of it. Choose who your parents are and embrace it. Choose what drives you and embrace it. The only person who can stand in the way of any of that is you and choose to be responsible for that.
“Sometimes you have to look at your actions and see if they match up with your personal ideals. If not, change something next time, but be happy, don’t dwell on the past.”
It’s much easier to talk the walk and be the preacher than practice what you preach. I have another way of looking at it. Invert the sentence to preach what you practice. And be honest with yourself. Look at your life at this current moment and who you’re being. Do you want to preach what you’ve been doing. If you’ve been arrogant in the past — do you want to preach arrogance? Actions speak louder than words and words are very important as they create reality. Of course they only do if you can speak in a way that has integrity and inspires people to see something for themselves. Telling someone what they should be doing or trying to convince someone about how you are won’t do much.
“Be grateful for your health, it is like a rare gem not always appreciated until it has gone missing, then you wish with all your heart you had it back.”
Nothing to add.
“Look critically at the people you surround yourself with. Decide: do they lift you up, or bring you down.”
To add to that — if I feel someone is brining me down sometimes I ask myself is there anyway I’m causing this to happen or is there anyway I can be responsible for this person bringing me down. Then to answer my inquiry I ask myself “What’s in the way of me and this other person”. Maybe there’s something I need to apologize for maybe there’s something they’re upset about where I can simply ask if a certain behavior continues to come up. Also I see if there’s anyways I’m resisting their communication, defending myself, protecting myself, manipulating the situation or the conversation, or any other ways I might be being inauthentic with that person or myself. Finally when the space is completely completely clear between me and the other person, only then for me can I really know whether or not this is someone I want to be friends with.
“Respect is the greatest first impression you can show another person. Being too polite is better than being less than kind.”
I agree, having full respect for someone is super important. A respect out of love for who the person is and who the person isn’t. Some people see respect as a way to be nice to tolerating someone. Of course, that’s always very see through whether the person being “respectful” realizes it or not. Toleration means I’ll be able to stand you. There’s a difference between being able to stand someone and truly embracing someone for who they are in that moment. For me, I once had someone try to mug me in NYC. He showed me the blood on his shirt and told me he would do the same to me if I didn’t give him money. Now if I had a choice in the matter I would never chose to put myself in that situation but as my choices were “be in this situation” or “be in this situation” I decided to chose to be in that situation and give up anyway I was resisting him. I completely gave it up and embraced him. I didn’t tolerate him I had full acceptance and inclusiveness for him, who he was being, what he was saying IN THAT MOMENT. Because it was a conscious choice and my resisting wasn’t in my subconscious it gave me enormous power in that situation to deal with it effectively. I told my mugger (it wasn’t a guy mugging me but my mugger as I was choosing to have him there), I said “wow man that’s crazy can I buy you a nice dinner since you said you were going to use the money for food”. He goes I’d love that. Then I gave him a fist pound and told him how ridiculous it was how he pulled everything off the whole night. I bought him Chinese food right by W 30th Street and we ended up talking for about an hour.
“Listen to other peoples’ input. Thinking on these things can open you up if you are truly willing to ponder anothers’ perspective.”
And listen as in fully listening. It’s common for people to listen from their own point of view. The little voice in your head that gives a running commentary to what is and to what happens will have a commentary about what the other person is saying. Are you listening to the other person or listening to your commentary about what the person is saying.
“Do. not. use. people. Simply do not take advantage of another person. People are people just like you, and just like you have feelings, they do too. Karma has a way of making it’s way around for those who treat others without courtesy or solely for their own benefit.”
Be for others how you would want people to be for you. At times it may not be easy and may be easier to react. Over time as you constantly continue to create a space to what you’re a stand for in your life — the other person will either run in the other direction as they wouldn’t know how to deal with it or feel threatened or they would realized for themselves they don’t have to be a certain way around you and stop past based behaviors or nothing shifts but atleast you didn’t give into what they were doing. You become what you resist.
“There is nothing more refreshing than a humble person. It is not necessary to assert “power” over others. Power lies in humility.”
People who feel the need to be arrogant create the context for themselves that they aren’t powerful to begin with. If you are powerful to begin with your true colors will show you won’t need to tell people how great you are.
“Follow your instincts. If you feel like it’s a shady situation, it probably is.”
And be mindful that sometimes how you feel can be based on a reaction in the mind that senses a threat when it’s not really there. Be mindful of whether something else could be causing this reaction or if it’s just your survival instincts working in your favor.
“First things first, take your pride and run with it; don’t look back…unless the situation deems it necessary to swallow your pride.”
It’s your light that will inspire others and light others up around you. Of course it will also lead to cynics but that’s okay too. Let them be cynical and let it be.
