Dear Women,
Do you ever wonder why guys are always so defensive around you. Do you ever wonder guys hold back with you and not share themselves. Do you ever find guys trying to manipulate you or twist their words to please you? If you answered yes to any of these consider it’s your mindset and how you talk to guys.
Here’s an example of what I mean:
I was scheduling a date with this woman. I wanted to go clubbing with her but she had work the next day so she offered we go out to dinner instead. The whole formal sit down dinner has never really been my thing for a first date so I told her, “That’s fine if that’s my only option. I’ve never really done like a formal sit down dinner before as a date though so just warning you I may feel a little weird at first.” She responded by saying, “Ok..Well let’s talk about to do when it gets closer. I want you to be comfortable and have fun.” Then I told her how nice that was of her to say and how I hardly hear that from most girls I go to college with. She then goes, “Well I can’t imagine trying to create and share an amazing experience with someone and not have us collaborate together or what we would both like.”
Those words, “”Well I can’t imagine trying to create and share an amazing experience with someone and not have us collaborate together or what we would both like.”
How did you take that? Is that clingy? Is that weird to you? Is that too forward? Is that something that you see as a negative.
If so, let me tell you how that came off for me. It came off as super compassionate and sweet. She showed a really caring side of herself to me right upfront. Would I ever dare dream of feeling the need to change around my words with her. Absolutely not? When I was in high school I used to be so fake to women. The reason was I always thought I never had the space to really say what was on my mind.
Can you imagine the interaction going another way. Could you imagine I told this woman I wasn’t that comfortable and may feel a bit weird and then she starts judging me. Could you see a woman be like “well I dunno what you want me to do then” or say “ummmm ok” or something similar. If something like that happened, I’d be way less inclined to continue to engage but many guys would TOLERATE that. But it would have an impact on the future. From then on the guy may really hold back what he really means. Over time, he’ll feel the need to manipulate, lie, or settle for less which over time will cause for everything to be over. That one dialogue could possibly kill any kind of connection before it even starts.
If you find you’re frustrated with guys it’s probably you and not every guy. You can’t change people but what you can do is create a space for people to be around you. Consider that if you create a context with a guy where you can take responsibility that he gets you’re totally okay with him being yourself around you, I can almost guarantee any of the push and pull. the struggle, the whose dominating who, the games, the manipulating, all of that…will simply disappear. Of course you have to be open to hearing any of this for you to actually implement that.
