When I was 18 a women I was dating at the time told me as she was incredibly stressed out that I wasn’t the one, started blaming me for things I hadn’t done, started justifying and rationalizing her actions by saying how I wasn’t the girl for her, how that there was probably something wrong with her, and that we all want what we can’t have, and then topped it all off with maybe this is just not going to work.
How I took what she said in that moment was that she didn’t like me, that I was rejected, and that she was making up excuses to why I wasn’t her type. I hear what she said like this due to my past where I was clueless when it came to dating and felt that no girl would ever be into me. Even though my confidence grew over time and my dating life started to naturally evolve like it would with every teenage boy — what often stayed behind was how I listened. It wasn’t until maybe a year ago or so when I realized how I was listening to not just women but people in general based on the past.
So what actually happened I found out later is that this women was saying all of this to me not because she didn’t like me but she was subconciously testing my character and my strenghth. Deep down she wanted to know that I would rip out her belief systems about herself, be there to tell her she wasn’t undatable, be there to shine some light and comfort her, but instead because I was so scared of her not liking me I did exactly what she didn’t want me to do…I lost my grounding and my bearings with her and allowed myself to just agree with her and confirm her reality about herself. She was shit testing me and I failed her test.
Women will naturally do this with men. Beautiful & confident women are used to guys hitting on them more than they will hit on guys. Women socialogically as well as biologically have to be a lot more discriminant with who they choose as a partner. I know for me when looking at a potential investment in the stock market I will often times grill the CEO. If the CEO breaks down and can’t hold their ground, that’s one way for me to see weakness in a business model. I’m testing the managements integrity. As a guy, if you are naturally very overconfident, grounded, and driven with a life mission and purpose you will probably notice women who you are dating will test you and the more you put yourself out there the more women will try to test you. Often times these tests are completely subconcious. But do not take it as rejection yet a compliment. A women would never tell a guy she doesn’t care about all her reasons and justifications about to rationalize her own insecurities. She would expect you would just kilter over if she thought you had a weak personality. It’s not just women though — it’s anybody in your life. Friends will test you, women you’re dating will test you, girlfriends will test you, people you meet at a conference will test you. The more you stand your ground under pressure the more they see you as someone with strenght and conviction in who you are to the core. The more they throw bullshit belief systems about themselves on you and the more you dispel them the more they will grow around you.
People hope that by these Shit Tests you will not conform to their beliefs yet shine your light on them. When you are that person for people, you really have the oppurtunity to make a difference in their lives. When you are that person for people, people will see you as more reliable, trustworthy, someone who they would more likely to do a business deal with, someone who they would be attracted to as a partner, someone who they are attracted to as a person. Shit tests should not be resisted yet welcomed. The more shit you can take and dissipate the more you come ahead and the more you help others grow around you.
